Moments back I was listening to Pt. Ravi Shankar’s sitar and it suddenly stirred so many thoughts inside me, especially after some recent experiences and thoughts I have been having about my relationship with music.
This particular sitar piece was indeed marvelous. He just effortlessly touches most minute of the musical notes and magically passes to the next one as if what he is doing is nothing more than ringing a bell. And all this just makes you realize the countless number of hours musicians like Pt. Ravi Shankar must have put in to reach what they are today. Yes, agreed, it takes a lot of luck to have the right guru at the right age, but nevertheless, these musicians pursued it thereafter lifelong.
And here we are. Young musicians like us. We are so desperate to achieve greatness, consciously or unconsciously we end up counting the number of hours of riyaz we are doing daily/weekly. (I am talking about the ones who are at least aware of the necessity of a regular practice. There are plenty of others who are quite content playing the same level of music year after year. I can’t comment on those though; different people, different opinions, different priorities.)
At least, in the last few months, to make my decision of devoting more time to music more tangible, I have been keeping an unconscious mental track of such hours. And suddenly, and fortunately, because of the timeless classical melodies like the one I just heard I realized how useless all this calculation is.
I don’t think Pt. Bhimsen Joshi ever wondered: ‘Hmm, did I practice today for 4 hours or 5 hours? I guess I need to practice everyday for 6 hours now onwards.’ No bloody way! When the teachers of these legends (in their young age) told them to practice a particular piece of music for 100s, 200s, 500s of times, did they go ahead and calculated the required number of hours for that? I sincerely don’t think so! There was no ‘ratio analysis’, there were no ‘time-bound objectives’, nor any ‘projected growth’ for the next 5 years.
Now that I come to think of it, the thought of ‘greatness’ might not have even touched them before putting those millions n millions of hours of riyaz in the first place. And most of them must have got so humbled by the end of this particular phase of journey that I don’t think the so called greatness even meant anything to them any more. They just kept on going, walking the path, trying to dive further in the endless abyss that music is.
Some times, all this may sound unpractical to some people, including me; but at the end of the day, I guess there’s no other option anyway.
This chain of thoughts started in the first week of July.
I had visited Podar (my junior and degree college) after a long time. I was simply without words when I entered the auditorium, especially when I saw the locked doors of the green rooms… I couldn’t help but just stand still and stare at them... I could actually see the images of my college friends moving around here n’ there as if it were some nostalgic scene from some film...
Those were definitely one of the fun times of my college days. As soon as the academic year would gather some momentum, the auditions and successive practices for the youth fest used to start. Of course, initially as a junior, I myself went through this process (I played harmonium for the music events) and as a senior, I was happy to conduct this process along with some other seniors and music experts. (Well, during my last 1-2 years, it was a pretty funny and grown-up kind of feeling, when the fresh participants would actually look up to me for guidance!)
Soon the regular practices would begin. It was really an experience not to be missed! Internal quarrels, girls getting sentimental, boys behaving rude, long and grueling rehearsals, the nice feeling of seeing ourselves getting better at the song over the few weeks, those after-practice hang-outs at local restaurants, discussing interesting “insider stories” about various other “personalities” in the festival circle, and then again getting up early next day to show your face for practice… boy, that was fantastic!
The elimination rounds were not a cakewalk at all, but the real challenge was the finals at the University Club House, where there was much tighter competition.
And today I visited the same event at the same place after about 2-3 years, merely as an ex-podarite. (Sadly this year Podar did not get a rank in the first 3.) I must admit that these 5-6 hours that I spent there were totally surreal. Although the performers on stage were absolute strangers to me, I could see the faces of our own Podar singers and could imagine myself sitting on stage, playing the harmonium. (Well, there was no need to imagine Vijay Jadhav accompanying us, because – as amazing as it is – he was actually still out there accompanying many colleges as a professional artist.)
While I was at it, I remembered those last minute rehearsals at the small room next to the backdoor of the stage. I remembered those last minute encouragements from Kaustubh, Sagar, Mr. Hande. Of course, Vijay was always there for moral support. Once our number was announced, we would hurriedly climb up the tiny stairs and enter the stage. Everyone would be tense, but still tried their best not to show it on their faces. Soon singers would test their mikes, and so would I and Vijay for harmonium and percussions respectively. Once everybody would be ready, Aparna Shekhar would give the timing and the song would begin.
During the years when I performed, the song happened to go pretty well and we would come out of the audi from the other door. Phew!! Now every singer from the team used to feel relaxed and could get back in the audi to listen to other group songs. Of course, now that the pressure would be off, we wouldn’t mind giving our “expert opinions” about others’ performances! :)
It used to take quite some time to finish all the performances, but we enjoyed it along with many other Podarites who used to come all the way there just to support us. But once it got over, Save sir used to announce the results in his usual witty manner, for e.g., making some extremely boring & routine announcement just before announcing the winner, thereby stretching the curiosity of every single person present down to the last nerve.
We may be dada in our zone, but in the finals there was cut-throat competition with the other heavy-weights such as Mithibai, Ruia, Ruparel, Sathe and many other colleges. Some times we emerged on top, some times we did not. But one thing was sure; Podar Indian Group Song team was always one of *the* teams to beat, I would even like to take the liberty of saying – a force to reckon with. And even though not a singer in the team, I am very proud of the fact that I too had contributed something towards keeping it that way.
The actual college days may have been over. My fellow podarites may be busy in their own individual lives by now. But I am sure that all these youth fest emotions, excitements, joys, sorrows, celebrations, consolations will always be treasured deep down our hearts and will be cherished as sweet memories of our fun days together.
Can’t help saying the evergreen line one more time:
“Aata kasa vattay…??? Bara bara vattay!!!”
Dedicated to Neha, Sanjivani, Aparna, Kaustubh, Vijay, Sagar, Hiral, Sloka, Wadi, Cally, Pushkar, Sandeep and many many many more…
Just went the other day to a musical instruments store to check out the bass guitars. I was having fun over there – just sitting there, surrounded by plenty of guitars, observing different features of various models, testing the guitars by playing some standard tunes – it was wonderful.
After spending may be about 20 minutes in the above fashion, there walked a boy with his father in the store. This boy must be some 18-19 years old or may be in the early 20's, with his father being may be in his late 40’s. Initially both of them were checking out some mikes and amplifiers. The father was singing some short & random lines to check the quality of the sound equipment. Well, I was sort of in the mood of some blues and kept on playing whatever I was playing on the bass guitar.
But guess what, that boy turned out to be a quite good pianist. He simply started playing some blues/jazz tune on a keyboard kept nearby. Now suddenly my mental sensors started becoming more and more alert. Well, I was sitting in a way where my back was towards him, but I started to play the bass notes which were either more or less close to what he was playing or sort of in harmony with his tune.
Two minutes passed like this and I gave a quick glance behind to know what exactly was going on. As expected, even he had realized that we both were jamming with each other without even mentioning the musical ideas verbally. We continued to jam for may be 5-10 minutes more or so, and finished that spontaneous piece of blues/jazz music on a correct beat, quite coordinated with each other.
To others, that may have been just some usual checking of musical instruments. But I think we both felt the kind of non-verbal connection only two musicians can feel. It was something like we were saying to each other: “Not bad, huh! You are quite alright too. Well, nice to meet you.” Moments like these, it just feels so damn wonderful to be a musician! I am sure you all must have had such incidences with respect to your own passions some time or the other.
I went about my usual business as soon as I got out of the shop. But it feels nice to meet some random fellow musician like that boy and have a tiny & impromptu musical concert in front of an audience of about 3-4 friends.
It would be quite interesting to see what gaming means to each one of us. Hmm, what about myself? Well, over a period of last 10 years, I have personally spent innumerable number of hours on computer games. It would be quite fair to say that it has been some sort of semi-addiction to me from time to time.
Although my schedule in recent years doesn’t allow me to do so, I myself have been quite a versatile gamer. I have played 3D action games ranging from the legendary Wolfenstein to the more recent ones like Max Payne. I have been a forever loyal fan to strategy games like Age of Empires (a game I would actually recommend as a fun way of learning about history), Caesar and even Commandos. I had quite a fiery fling going on with a Need For Speed 5: Porsche Unleashed (a racing game) before my longer lasting love affairs with games such as GTA: San Andreas (role playing strategy) and The Sims (virtual simulation of real life).
But it was not till the recent time that I realized why I actually loved gaming so much. Now that I come to think of it, I find that we humans sometimes act like such ridiculously dumb creatures! We go on doing a thing without even realizing why the hell we started doing it in the first place! But I guess that’s the charm of it, isn’t it?
All these years, all I was looking for was a chance to become someone/something in the virtual world which I probably cannot become in my real life time. If you come to think of it, there are so many things one would just love to do in his own life, but just cannot. For example, who would not like to experience adrenaline rush of driving a German sports car at insanely high speeds without the possibility of getting actually hurt in the process? Who wouldn’t want to be a king of a great empire of the old ages and win huge wars against his enemies?
I was always fascinated by the kind of activities the soldiers did during the World War II. Various strategies that the allied forces used during the war still interest me a lot. However, given the sort of person I am, I would probably neither survive the strict discipline of an army nor be so ruthless as to stab another person to death with a knife. But a game like Commandos gave me the chance to follow the footsteps of those brave soldiers and totally teleported me into that era. I have thoroughly enjoyed every single mission in this game.
A game like GTA: San Andreas gave me the thrill of playing the role of a thug who becomes a master criminal as the story progresses. You steal cars, you ride stylish bikes, you fight against rival gangs (occasionally against police too)… In short, you get to become the rock star of the imaginary underworld. Now it can be argued that such games might encourage young minds towards criminal mentality. Here, I am not trying to glorify criminal behavior. I agree that there are some objectionable and controversial features in such games (even various other games do have a lot of violence & other inappropriate content). But I feel that if handled sensibly, such games do give us the kind of thrill we all secretly wanted to experience some times. Come on… let’s agree on the fact that we all were at one point or the other fascinated by the anti-heroes in various stylish Hollywood movies!
Again, a game like The Sims actually gives us the chance to live a second life! The virtual person that you control can actually do the things that you would have loved to do with your own life – play a musical instrument like a maestro, own a huge house, progress through different attractive careers, form different relationships with other (virtual) people, go shopping, wear fashionable cloths and what not. You can actually live your dream life in a virtual avatar!
Now I know that spending lot of time (and money!) on computer games has its own negative consequences too. Your studies and even your eventual careers may get affected because of it. But if kept under control, I feel it is a pretty useful thing to have with you – a thing that allows you to forget the harsh realities of life for some time. If you are sensible enough, you should be able to keep your priorities right. You will know where to draw a line. But within this given space, if you are getting a chance to experience something that you may never get to experience, I think it is a risk worth taking.
There are countless numbers of gamers out there with various degree of interest in gaming. Some may categorize gaming as a total waste of time and money, while some may even go to the extent of considering playing games as their full time profession. Having said that, I feel that surely there has to be fairly good amount of ones who will agree with my above point of view.
With the help of the legendary John Lennon, all I can say is: “You may say I’m a gamer… But I’m not the only one…”
I remember those assemblies of 8th standard in my school. Basically, an assembly was a weekly cultural hour, where we all used to gather in the auditorium and sing some prayers, poem, songs and if time permitted, some performance like a skit or a group song would be presented by some of the students.
To be frank, nobody liked to sing those poems or prayers in those days. As kids, we all loved the popular Hindi movie songs of those times, but performing such a song was a big no-no in school. We were all supposed to sing nice poems and prayers, so that we could have some good learnings out of them. (I bet that the different magazines, TV shows and movies of those times did not agree with the school’s agenda!)
Till the 8th standard, our music teacher – we called her Viju tai - had got used to ask us “shall we sing again??” after a poem/prayer was sung by us, approx 500 students. We too, due to the lack of courage to say “no” on any teacher’s face, had got used to say “yessss” and sing the poem/song once again, despite how-much-ever we did not want to sing it once again. (Of course, all of the above used to go on in Marathi, being a Marathi-medium school.)
But by the time we reached the 8th standard, we had gathered the courage to collectively say “noooo”… It felt so awesome when we said that for the first time!! And Viju tai (who was indeed a really nice and jovial person) and other teachers also took it so sportingly… (I think probably that’s the time the teachers must be realizing that the kids are growing up.)
But, however I hated singing some of those school-poems repeatedly, a poem called sarwatmaka shivasundara will always be evergreen in my memories. Whenever I remember that song, some unknown emotions of nostalgia just rise up inside me and try to break free.
“Sarwatmaka shivasundara
Sweekaar ya abhivadana
Timiratuni tejakade
Prabhu amucha ne jeevana”
(It’s a prayer to god, urging him to lift our lives from darkness to light.)
Well, right now I remember only these four main lines from the poem. One of my favorite teachers in school, Mrs. Shobhatai Parulekar had given a wonderful tune to it. Whenever I think of this poem, those 3 o’ clock assembly sessions just come alive in front of my eyes. We all sang this poem while ending the assembly. Afterwards we all used to go back to our classrooms in one single line, of course with some masti-mazak on the way. The time would be around 4 o’ clock by now. One last lecture would be remaining. I think it used to be mostly of geography or history. Everybody would be just waiting to get over with it and already planning the things to do after school. Soon the bell would ring and we all were free to go wherever we wanted to!
The corridors outside the school hall… Canteen on the 2nd floor… Typical wooden dark brown colored stairs, with metal plates on their edges... I can still hear inside my head the sound we used to make out of those metal plates while running up and down… Huge bell near the library on 1st floor that used to ring after lectures got over… The amazing third floor balcony… Those corridors outside the classrooms… Our crumpled white uniform shirts... Punjabi Samosas from canteen, which I loved so much that I would want to have them just for myself…
It’s so wonderful that merely four lines of a poem are greatly responsible to carve all the above moments in the memory. Even the very mention of the poem brings them back to surface as if they happened just recently. No single other thing stirs my emotions about school more than this one does. Although now I don’t believe in the concept of god like most of the other people around me do, this poem creates some holy emotion inside me. I find this emotion very beautiful. I don’t attribute it to the existence of god, but whatever it is, I definitely love this mix of emotions that I feel whenever I think about Sarwatmaka shivasundara… definitely one of my favorite memories!
That was the topic for the group discussion. It was the time when I was going through the selection process, hoping to get selected for the MBA program.
I happened to raise a few good points that time, I think. How the success is not only about human relations, how the concept of success should not be restricted to corporate success only and so on. I must have done a fairly decent job there because it got my into the MBA program eventually.
It is funny how one’s perspective towards life changes at different ages. That time I was god damn sure about the points I was making, especially when I said: Success is not only about human relations. One has to be equally skilled at the work he/she is going. Only then the human relations can enhance your chances. (I could have even given more emphasis on capability part against the human relations portion.)
But after completing the course and having taken a break from job market after working for almost two years, it feels rather different. I have had my fair share of interaction-experiences with different people. I believe that our thoughts are generally influenced by the events in our recent past. And even more so, when the events occur in a time when you are trying to get to know yourself towards building a career.
If I were the person I am today while appearing for that group discussion a few years back, I am sure my point of views would have been different. And given the nature of these thoughts (combined with my rather over-honest approach of dealing with things), I am not sure if the evaluators would have given me a seat in the program.
There’s a dialogue in the TV series Dexter when the character Dexter Morgan is telling his sister Debra, roughly meaning the following: The reason why Lieutenant LaGuerta (another character in the series) has been successful so far is that she may not be the most intelligent one, but she knows how to play the game.
I think the above statement answers the debate for me at this moment. Human relations seem to be a far more deciding factor than your actual competencies these days; rather, soft skills seem to have been emerged as the deciding factor for so-called-success.
A person may call it networking. Another may call it favoritism towards friends. It may also have different other names such as politics, lobbying, back-stabbing, unethically competing; but eventually these are different degrees of the same strategy towards emerging as the eventual winner.
Please don’t mistake me for someone who compartmentalizes this as a necessarily unethical/bad practice. Even I may have been a beneficiary of networking at some point of time. For example, may be some time I got a chance to perform in a music program because my college friend was performing there and he called me to join them.
I am not even saying that the successful ones are always only the manipulative ones with no other skills whatsoever. After all, they indeed had to have good (or even excellent) work skills to sustain their performance through the years. What differentiates them from the rest is the fact that they know how to play the game and beat the system. Making the right connections, knowing whom to avoid, making a shrewd move at a right time, knowing when to cut your losses and move on – they know it pretty damn well.
But having accepted it as a part and parcel of life, I feel really sad when a highly deserving person doesn’t get something which a highly undeserving person gets. (What someone deserves is a matter of plain individual opinion though.) As stereotypical as it may sound, but let’s say you are a good actor with a wide range of brilliant performances on your resume, you are even short-listed by the director for the lead role, but eventually you may not get the role in the film because the producer won’t finance the film unless the role is given to his son.
Unless the performance difference is quite obvious, it doesn’t matter greatly whether you are better at the given competencies than your opponent. Only thing that matters is how well you play the game. Skills, talents, knowledge, wisdom, creativity, strength, money, ethics – everything is important, alright, but those are only the aspects of the game and not the game itself.
I always thought that such I-will-do-whatever-it-takes-to-get-me-there attitude existed only in high level positions in politics, cinema, business etc. But you don’t realize certain things unless they happen to you or in your close proximity. I agree that I am more of an idealistic person than a pragmatic one, but I never realized until recent times how it affects even the seemingly simplest of the life situations. These situations do not include only the widely known infamous politics about promotions in various offices, but also something like a student establishing favorable relations with a teacher with different motives in mind.
I always believed that if I stick to improving myself without caring too much about the “interpersonal dynamics and emotional undercurrents” of others, I will surely achieve success one day. Unfortunately, to achieve that kind of success, apparently there are a few other ways too.
In order achieve the so-called success, it is a topic of yet another discussion which practice should be acceptable and which one not. So, as of now, let’s just say that as long as you are scoring more goals than your opponent in a football match, it doesn’t matter even if you get a few red cards for foul play or you play pre-match mind games with the rival team members … well, its not something I would like to do or will do, but definitely something that’s known as blatant truth.
But as always, it comes down to your personal definition of success. You may not have what others call as success, but if you know you have given your best shot within the boundaries of your own value system, I think nothing else should matter.
This reminds me of a wonderful line from the film Cool Runnings: A gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.
Dear readers, please note that the following thoughts are just an attempt to explore a social trend that I observed and discussed with some of my friends. The opinions are based only on my personal exposure to such situations. Any sort of further insights / feedbacks are welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how the definitions of “easy” and “difficult” have changed over a period of time. Economies are growing, technologies are developing, societies are changing. Are all these changes for good? May be. May be not.
I perfectly respect those who prefer to dance and enjoy themselves in a disco where popular tunes are being played at a rather high volume. (No sarcasm intended here.) India is a free country and everyone has a right to enjoy themselves in a way they would like to.
But do any of you feel that many people now-a-days are taking advantage of this freedom way too much? As it is, in our amazingly secular country, we always find some or the other festivals to celebrate. That’s fine. It’s a matter of somebody’s choice. But then why force others to get affected by the noise pollution due to the fire crackers and loud music? Is India – rural and urban both – becoming a more and more loud country in general? May be a person wants to spend his evenings quietly in his house, minding his own business. But does he get to do that? Of course not. When there are such beautiful songs being played on a loudspeaker in a procession nearby, he should rather listen to those songs and cheer his boring self up, shouldn’t he?
There was a time when the technology was not so advanced. When I say “there was a time”, I don’t mean the 1970’s. As far as I remember, even when I was about 12-13 years old, various up-to-date electronic instruments of that time were not available so easily, definitely not so cheaply. Loudspeakers, parties were limited to a few occasions such as annual gatherings, Ganeshotsavs, Diwalis etc. So, those who preferred a quieter life also had a ball during these times, since it brought a good break in their routine. Otherwise they could live their life in their own way. Leading a simple life without too many such distractions around was easier. Getting all the things required for a big bash of a party was a little difficult.
Now, I believe, things have changed. Due to various developments, getting all the things required for a big celebration is far easier. At least, even if not easier, people will go out of their way to somehow arrange it. And so what if we don’t have enough money to arrange a D.J. for the festival? No worries. It is a festival/pooja/marriage after all and we have to enjoy it by dancing till late night on latest dance numbers. We will collect (rather pressurize the people to pay) extra money and make sure that the best possible sound system is available. It is our right by constitution to express our joy or our devotion to god. If anyone has an exam / has become too old / is sick: Sorry boss, none of our problem. You yourself should have taken care about that!!!
Another worrying fact about this, I believe, is the frequency at which all this is increasing day by day. However small the event may be, a celebration is becoming a must. If they organize it in a closed hall, fine, at least it doesn’t disturb others. But in reality, these dance parties / jam-sessions take place in absolutely any sort of available open space, thereby making such events even more “accessible” and “enjoyable” to others.
And all this makes life of the fellas like me a little more uncomfortable.
You may call me old fashioned, but I am one of those people who love long quiet evenings. I would like to take a stroll around, chat up with a few friends. I love tranquility (Little too much to expect in a city like Mumbai, I know, but still). I would like to watch some interesting film. I would like to enjoy a raga played by Pt. Hariprasad Chaurasiya on flute. I would rather quietly focus on my work rather than find an excuse to go out and party. By work, I don’t mean the sort of work we do to earn a living. By work, I mean something I am passionate about. Something I would do no matter what. But sadly, just when you have reached your home, somebody nearby starts performing some religious ritual, followed by yada yada yada… the usual stuff goes on. Such times I really “bless” them a lot!
When I think about this, it seems to me that various things (for e.g. different electronic instruments, communication media, availability of finance) which were more difficult to get about 10 years back are now becoming far easier to get. I think that the reason doesn’t lie only in the technology becoming cheaper and widely available. It also lies in the general social trend which is forcing people indirectly to engage into such events.
On the other hand, a thing such as having one’s quiet personal space, which should be (and which in fact was) such a plain simple thing to have, has become so damn difficult!
I think a key factor which influences the above is the economic prosperity and the change in the concept of freedom in our society in last few years. Because of the post-globalization growth in India, people are having more personal disposable income. This extra income is allowing them relatively more party-time. And I somehow feel that once people are getting the taste of such parties, they are starting to grab every opportunity for a party. When they see more and more people around them participating in the same, they get encouragement and start caring less and less whether they are disturbing anybody else while enjoying themselves.
On a very personal note, I think that all this may well be the reason why India is still a developing country and not a developed country. Shouldn’t the parties and festivals be a break from work rather than a regular activity? Or at least shouldn’t one respect the other people’s choice of a life without the disturbance of noise pollution? If people continue allocating more resources for such things rather than contributing in their own field of work / allowing others to contribute in their respective fields, I feel our journey towards the status of a developed nation is going to be very slow – just like the amazingly enjoyable processions we so often come across!
I don’t know exactly when and how Pink Floyd grew onto me. I just knew them as a very successful rock band, well-known for the innovative sounds that appear in their songs. It took me a while to get to know the songs like Comfortably Numb, Marooned, Another Brick In The Wall etc. I had always read that their work is marked by the use of philosophical lyrics, but never really felt it as being so hard-hitting until I heard the songs Comfortably Numb and Time in a proper way.
Agreed, these two songs do tend towards expressing depressing sorts of feelings. But if you come to think of it, don’t most of us feel like that some or the other time? For the record, I do like to think that the glass is half full rather than half empty, but there are some moments in life when you do tend to introspect and realize the sad undercurrents in our lives.
(For those who haven’t heard the song Time yet, here are its rough lyrics. Reading it along with the song should give you a better impact, I think. The way Pink Floyd have composed a combination of hard-hitting notes (1st & 3rd stanza) and the feeling-rich sound (2nd and 4th stanza) is truly remarkable.)
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
How brutally real is that! I can even identify myself with that to some extent. When I was younger, may be in late school years, I so strongly thought that life is really a pretty long journey. Those cool days at school, playing with friends in the evenings, lazy Saturdays, fun Sundays, occasional picnics, annual exams, results, the small wanna-be-grown-up sort of celebration parties...School days were passing happily…
Better things were yet to come though. Soon the college started. Felt like the entire world had opened up for me. So many new ideas, inspirations, anxieties, what not… Sounds bookish now, but yeah, that time one does feel all these emotions in one go. You can’t wait to enter and live the college life that is ever so romantically described in books & films. You can’t wait to bunk your first lecture and go for a movie with your friends. You can’t wait to catch attention of a pretty girl and have a nice little conversation with her while walking around in college campus. You can’t wait to dress fashionably and dance in the college festivals. You can’t wait to grab every opportunity that may take you one step closer to a successful career. You feel like the king of the world who has finally arrived at the scene just to take the matter in his own hands.
I still can’t forget those lazy monsoon afternoons that accompanied the beginning of every academic year. Every year came and went with its fair share of successes and failures. Yet, the monsoons always felt like some kind of a reassurance. While hanging around in the campus, wandering aimlessly in the city, practicing music with your friends, it always felt that there is still more to come. Felt like there is still time to take that biiig step of becoming a grown-up.
Zip!!!
Suddenly one day you realize that actually ten years have got behind you. Your college is already finished about 5 years ago. You are no more a promising 16 year old college-entering teenager. You are a 26 year old grown-up (well, physically) with a baggage of some missed opportunities. You find yourself suddenly in the middle of a crazy battlefield where everybody is hammering you with issues like educational qualifications, career growth, jobs, hobbies, passions, physical/mental well-being, relationships, long term financial planning - even to the extent of it being for your children (which you haven’t even thought about yet!) and guess what, your eventual retirement!
If you think objectively, yes, the sun is the same. But now there doesn’t seem to be any opportunity to take a small time-out and take a fresh breath. You may have taken good steps to productively use your time so far, you may not have actually missed the starting gun. But back then as a kid, your entire sphere of life was very small. Now that you are exposed to so many diverse (which sometimes include depressing) aspects of life, it indeed feels like having missed the gun and everything just slipping away at insanely high speed like the sand in a closed fist. What is worse, that you don’t even have the choice to go away from all this, at least in 99% of the cases, because by now you have already become a part of the system where you have subconsciously accepted your fate.
Take a look at these lines from Comfortably Numb:
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
You can’t help but feel that all those dreams (that you thought you would achieve no matter what) have so systematically started fading away. (It is also possible, that you no longer want to pursue those dreams after realizing the harsh realities surrounding you.)
Yes, it does bring me to the feeling of disillusionment that I sometimes feel. A mini-figure of Woody Allen quickly starts hovering above my head like a Hollywood-style American military chopper with all his philosophies about meaninglessness of life.
But during times like these, what I love to do is introspect. I start to think: Is it really entirely my fault that I am feeling this way? Ok, I may have delayed taking some decisions and some times may not have worked as hard as I should have. But then there were so many things that were out of my control too. Sure, it feels sad that those priceless days of college-life won’t ever come back again, but then, what I have actually gained out of those days isn’t too bad either.
John Lennon once said: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. So why not just respect that? Rather than worrying whether the world is going to end in 2012, why not just look forward to a nice Sunday lunch with your old buddies from college?
I think one really understands (rather should understand) the importance of balance in life in such times. Just like you need to see the negative side to keep your feet on the ground, you also need to see the glass half full, once again. No matter how painful the reality is, you should understand that there is no choice but to make peace with it and with yourself. (A lesson I learnt partly through Woody Allen’s film Deconstructing Harry.)Because at the end of the day, I do feel hell lot luckier than so many other people in this world who unfortunately can’t even afford to buy one square meal.
As clichéd as that sounds, but I really have started to enjoy the smaller things in life - like the company of my close ones, an occasional game of Gulli Cricket with the kids in the neighborhood, a sudden phone call to/from an old friend, observing a kitten that generally runs away from me as if I were some murderer but rather happily eats the food that I bring for it…
The point of saying all this is that there is actually no point in all this. It is in fact what my friend Anand Kothekar may refer to as routine non-sense. But it is surely refreshing (as ironic as that may sound) to visit these depressing aspects of your life once in a while to realize the brutal realities of life, but at the same time, also to know how lucky you still are and how much more you still can do with whatever that is still left with you.
I still remember the time when I heard this classic by Dire Straits for the first time. It just seemed to be a nice song, that’s all.
But slowly it grew onto me. Besides, I also started realizing how popular this song is among so many others, including my friends, who are very much “into” western music.
And then one day my friend Ajinkya commented, somewhat jokingly: “Hey Damle, what sorts of songs you play on the guitar, man? Play some songs like these…” He was obviously referring to those two classic and evergreen blues-rock guitar solos played by Mark Knopfler towards the end of the song.
“No man, those are really tough parts. I have yet to practice so many things in the basics of a guitar. Pieces like these better not be attempted until you are really ready to try them.” That incidence must have been about a year back or so. I was (I still am) totally trying to follow the stern discipline that my guitar teacher always recommends.
Months flew by. I was attending my guitar class regularly. Trying to learn all sorts of techniques my sir was teaching me. And then one day, my sir very casually said: “Have we done Sultans of Swing?” He was so casual that he himself started talking about some other topic within the next minute.
But just by the mention of that song I was extremely thrilled. Does he mean that I may have come closer to the level of attempting it? In spite of knowing how strict my sir is about such things, I decided to give it a shot.
“Sir, do you think I could attempt it?” I had finally gathered the courage to say it.
“Well, there are some really important techniques that one needs to master before attempting it. It really involves some hard work.” Sir casually said while feeding his cat.
“No worries. You just let me know those exercises. I will keep on practicing those as long as I have to.” I thought I was getting closer to it, finally!
“Hmm. We will see about that.” Sir said coolly. That’s it. Nothing more. The class was anyway over and it was time to go home. So I did not press too hard. Let’s see how it goes, I told myself.
After that what followed were 3-4 different exercises which lasted for next 5-6 classes over one and half month, I think. They may be related to the song, they may not be, I used to think. The song was never again mentioned by me, sir or my other friend from the class. I was just told to keep on practicing these few exercises, nothing more. As always, I had just decided to trust my sir.
And then that day came. Even though I had not nailed those exercises 101%, he seemed to have thought that I was ready. He actually told me that from the next class onwards he was going to teach the song, starting with the 2nd solo. I was excited beyond imagination!
It’s not that before I couldn’t have tried to play it myself. I could have, but then every song demands some particular and preferable guitar-playing techniques which only years of experience can teach. And it indeed made sense. Playing the solos was much more manageable by now.
From the next week onwards, the song practice started. Those odd timings of the vocals, those challenging instrumental parts, some better ways of playing the chord progressions… everything…
Well, ahem, it is still going on. I still make plenty of mistakes in all the above mentioned aspects. But nothing of that really matters. What matters is that I have finally managed to reach that stage, where I am now eligible to attempt the song. And even though I am making all those mistakes - in spite of playing at much lesser speed - I now have the confidence that if I continue to work like this in future, I surely would be able to play that song in a style very close to that of the original, if not exactly as fine.
.
.
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And then the man he steps right up to the microphone
