Moment of inspiration

This is one of those moments of inspiration for me.

Just saw the old Mile Sur Mera Tumhara video (the beautiful music composition in raag bhairavi about national integration) and the “spread the light of freedom” video (the one which had many sports star of those time and used to be shown prominently on DD during 1980’s and early 90’s). First was Mile Sur Mera Tumhara. The way Pt. Bhimsen Joshi and Lata Mangeshkar easily sang those difficult varieties… I started to have goose bumps. Next came the “freedom of light” video. Seeing those sports stars running gracefully with the flame in their hand (with that inspiring background music) made me experience goose bumps part 2. Every graceful step that they took was somehow saying: Yes, we have done something. We have done every possible thing to follow whereever our hearts lead us and we are proud of that!

And then I happened to see some of the Ustad Zakir Hussain photos from my friend’s album. Being a family friend of that friend of mine, Ustadji seemed little more natural and friendlier to me in those captured moments. Whenever I have seen him performing live, I have seen an amazing aura of brilliance (I can not find a perfect word to describe the aura at this moment, so I have to compromise and use “amazing”). Seeing him there, with other great musicians, just pinged something inside me once again. My heart ached for a fraction of a second: That is what I want to be. That’s the level of brilliance I want to reach and yet must remain so polite like that. I should reach that point where I, my musical instrument and the music should be inseparable.

Some years back, in times like these, I used to feel very inspired for some moments. And then reality used to strike me. I am nothing right now. Even the musicians (music being something that has stayed with me throughout my childhood till this date) of my age are way ahead of me. Ok, I am pretty good at what I do, but look at the no. of artists of my age who are far better than me right now!

Now, after especially watching Deconstructing Harry of Woody Allen, I seem to have finally made peace with my demons. I have realized that everybody’s life is balanced. Hedging is not something that exists only in finance, but that’s a reality of life. I may not be that great musician, but I do have many other good/bad things, skills/annoying habits, which keep my life alive.

And even though I am not an outstanding performer at this moment, the above mentioned moments do inspire me these days. I know deep inside me that I have taken every possible effort to keep my music alive inside me. I have taken every honest step to understand it better. I have tried to put an every additional minute of practice just to make it a little better.

And all these thoughts make it all worthwhile! All those times of tough practice when I feel it’s impossible… All those nasty comments I keep getting in social situations… Suddenly all that does not seem to matter anymore. Because now I know, that I am a part of the fraternity of musicians. And no matter what, whenever I will meet a fellow musician – however famous, brilliant, outstanding and what-not he/she might be – I will get that subtle nod of recognition which will say: Hang in there buddy, we are family. You have sincerely devoted some of the precious moments of your life to music and that’s what counts. Right now I may be here and you are there, but you surely are no less of a musician than me!